I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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