I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
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