Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.

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(905): View more from Ontario

was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?

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(970): View more from Colorado

I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking

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(925): View more from California

she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"

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(903): View more from Texas

We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.

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(801): View more from Utah

Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver

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(808): View more from Hawaii

She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days

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