She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
