Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is the high leading the old right now
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
