Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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