people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The Olympian is in my bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
