mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
