My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
