My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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