I think my vagina is haunted
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
