im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
