Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
