My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize