Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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