he wants to bone in the snuggie
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
