i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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