Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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