you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
