k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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