I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
