Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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