It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
