i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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