Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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