Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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