I met the friendliest cop last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
