pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
