I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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