Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
