i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
