dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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