just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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