Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
