dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My ass is underappreciated
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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