Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
two words: eviction party
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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