Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
