so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
