The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
