Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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