if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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