when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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