After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
