What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
