We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
