how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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