last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
