your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
