she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
