Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
