dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
