Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
