If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
