Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
