I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
