ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
