The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
