addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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