Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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