When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
