Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
