I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
