I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
