well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
