Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize