God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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