Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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