I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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