i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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