There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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