he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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