omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
