im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
