I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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