i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
